Saturday for a while has been a bleak place. I haven’t posted anything in a long time because… well I guess I’ve been depressed.
I’ve had exhaustion issues on and off since April which have meant my usual Saturday anti- depressant of going for a MTB ride has become too tiring for me to do. So I’m left to my own devices, and being tired I’ve tended to do nothing. (Unless you count reading books back to back all day as ‘something’.) I’m currently still in bed (11am right now) which the cat thinks is great, having played numerous games, watched cute animal videos and caught up on some articles I saved during the week. Fortunately today I feel up-beat for a change, I’m not completely exhausted and I’m not upset/frustrated by my inability to go and ride with my mates. I think this might be because someone suggested perhaps I should just go do uplift days for a bit – and it got me thinking. One of the things that feeds my depression is not having a solution to a problem, so I don’t have the energy to pedal? Get in a bus and just go downhill, it’s the part I really love about mountain biking anyway! Also I’m working out a plan to own a horse which has been my dream since I was about 3. Stu mentioned that he often switches between love of different forms of cycling – for the last 2 years it’s been road, but he loves MTBing in the Alps. And I think I understand – local riding options are now a bit boring, and as he drives around for a living getting back in a van on a Saturday doesn’t fill him with joy. So perhaps mountain biking might take a little bit of a back seat while I invest my time, money and what energy I have into what I love right now.
So, time to get up and deal with some things that depression always leaves me with – the mess, piles of things I didn’t have the mental or physical capacity to deal with!
Hopefully I’ll be back into blogging now I’ve dealt with my writing blockage – I’ve got no fewer that 6 posts in the pending box!
*the more observant may notice the cat has changed. Sadly Toot died in June which was devastating, but the cat shaped hole in my life couldn’t stay empty so Cocoa came to us from Cats Protection. A confident, child hating 8 year old who we absolutely adore!
It’s a Saturday morning, and I should be getting ready or on my way to some form of MTB adventure because that’s what Saturdays are for.
But I’m not. I’m in my dressing gown. Crying.
It’s the first time I’ve had a proper cry since February 2016, when I started taking antidepressants. It seems like the last few months have taken their toll.
At the end of November I came down with some kind of a sickness bug where I constantly felt nauseous and could barely eat anything. I managed to get a bit of my strength back and had a steady ride at Sherwood Pines during the Christmas break. In January we went on a great snowboarding holiday. In February I was diagnosed with Parry Romberg syndrome. In March I had a bout of sinutisits, followed by an amazing splitboarding holiday. I came back from that holiday hoping to use the fitness I had gained to get back into cycling. Unfortunately it didn’t work and I had the worst exhausted phase I can remember. So April was spent trying to get lots of sleep, eat healthily and do gentle exercise. I got another bout of sinusitis and then my van broke down.
So here I am, half a stone heavier, unfit, lost my bike-confidence and trying to just get out of bed.
I posted up in a Facebook group I’m part of (MTB chix and trails) and asked what other people had done in similar situations, and got such amazing supportive responses. But then that got too much for me and I haven’t been back on Facebook or twitter since.
In August I decided to sign up for the Red Bull Fox Hunt, having had to miss it the last 2 years due to work/timing. As I had never raced before I thought perhaps a large one off event might be a good way to try it out.Read More »
In 2015 I went to the Girls at Moelfre weekend organised by Lucy Lucyslifeandbikes . So when I saw that Lucy was organising a Girls at Llangollen day I thought ‘what the hell!’ despite having heard that the runs there are really pretty hard!Read More »
This day started with crazy singletrack roads with 23% – 13% hills and switchbacks that required 1st gear. Until today I have only used 1st gear for parking and a couple of traffic light hill starts! Cheers Satnav!Read More »
I’m a bit behind at the moment, but I’m slowly catching up!
On Sunday 17th April I was scrolling through Facebook and I saw one of those ‘how to make…’ videos that seem to be very popular at the moment. This one was for stacked brownies so I watched it and thought ‘I want to eat one of those’. Sadly of course (?!) this means actually making a whole tray. What a shame!Read More »
I’d been looking forward to this weekend as a bit of a panacea to the road riding that had taken up several weekends.
Essentially it was a weekend put on by Bikepark Wales with workshops, coaching and rides lead by Tracy Moseley. I have to admit I was a bit excited simply coz Tracy was going to be there, I’m a bit of a fan!Read More »
I’m still playing catch up having been out of sorts, and as I haven’t done much riding I really got out of the habit of getting my thoughts written down, so here’s what I managed in the first three months of the year – warning, quite a long read today!Read More »