Saturday for a while has been a bleak place. I haven’t posted anything in a long time because… well I guess I’ve been depressed.
I’ve had exhaustion issues on and off since April which have meant my usual Saturday anti- depressant of going for a MTB ride has become too tiring for me to do. So I’m left to my own devices, and being tired I’ve tended to do nothing. (Unless you count reading books back to back all day as ‘something’.) I’m currently still in bed (11am right now) which the cat thinks is great, having played numerous games, watched cute animal videos and caught up on some articles I saved during the week. Fortunately today I feel up-beat for a change, I’m not completely exhausted and I’m not upset/frustrated by my inability to go and ride with my mates. I think this might be because someone suggested perhaps I should just go do uplift days for a bit – and it got me thinking. One of the things that feeds my depression is not having a solution to a problem, so I don’t have the energy to pedal? Get in a bus and just go downhill, it’s the part I really love about mountain biking anyway! Also I’m working out a plan to own a horse which has been my dream since I was about 3. Stu mentioned that he often switches between love of different forms of cycling – for the last 2 years it’s been road, but he loves MTBing in the Alps. And I think I understand – local riding options are now a bit boring, and as he drives around for a living getting back in a van on a Saturday doesn’t fill him with joy. So perhaps mountain biking might take a little bit of a back seat while I invest my time, money and what energy I have into what I love right now.
So, time to get up and deal with some things that depression always leaves me with – the mess, piles of things I didn’t have the mental or physical capacity to deal with!
Hopefully I’ll be back into blogging now I’ve dealt with my writing blockage – I’ve got no fewer that 6 posts in the pending box!
*the more observant may notice the cat has changed. Sadly Toot died in June which was devastating, but the cat shaped hole in my life couldn’t stay empty so Cocoa came to us from Cats Protection. A confident, child hating 8 year old who we absolutely adore!